Real-Life Decision Making -- Solution
You say you are sorry, but it looks like they have some unresolved issues and suggest they see a marriage counselor -- you will reassess them when the marriage counselor feels they are ready.
At first they are quite angry with you for suggesting they talk to a marriage counselor. They feel it is unfair that adoptive parents have to live up to such high standards -- standards they wouldn't have had to meet if they had been able to conceive.
However, a couple of days later, Paula calls and asks if you can give them the name of a marriage counselor.
Adoption counselor Glory To had something like this happen once when he was doing a home study. He said to them: "I think that this is not a really good time to continue with this adoption study. It looks like you have some issues to resolve. I would really feel uncomfortable unless there is some clear evidence that you have resolved this. I would recommend marriage counseling."
The couple did go for marriage counseling and they were able to learn what was behind this issue and how to work through such difficulties in their relationship. It took some time, but about a year and a half later, they were ready for a new home study.
To was able to approve them and they adopted a child. It was a tough decision, but To was able to stand by his assessment and help the couple to better prepare for parenthood.